any of you do this? I've been mulling over the idea for awhile, mainly because I want a new gun. my wife dislikes guns, but knows i'm into firearms. I took a firearms safety course through the DNR and recently acquired a free gun safe, so i'm not exactly irresponsible when it comes to guns. the problem is, whenever I bring it up she always has to attach some condition to me getting a gun, as if she were my mother. I'm roughly 9 yrs older than my wife and she acts like i'm a pimple-faced 12 yo handling a gun for the first time. I try to respect my wife's aversion to guns but sometimes it gets to be too much.

so, do I go out and buy a gun and not tell her, or continue to try and convince her why I should get to buy a gun? I control our finances and have a pretty decent amount of money tucked away in savings. I'm pretty cheap as far as spending goes and rarely make expensive purchases. I want to put my foot down and make some demands but at the same time I don't want my wife to hold this over my head for the rest of my life.

what would you do?

Carl_Spackler wrote:any of you do this? I've been mulling over the idea for awhile, mainly because I want a new gun. my wife dislikes guns, but knows i'm into firearms. I took a firearms safety course through the DNR and recently acquired a free gun safe, so i'm not exactly irresponsible when it comes to guns. the problem is, whenever I bring it up she always has to attach some condition to me getting a gun, as if she were my mother. I'm roughly 9 yrs older than my wife and she acts like i'm a pimple-faced 12 yo handling a gun for the first time. I try to respect my wife's aversion to guns but sometimes it gets to be too much.

so, do I go out and buy a gun and not tell her, or continue to try and convince her why I should get to buy a gun? I control our finances and have a pretty decent amount of money tucked away in savings. I'm pretty cheap as far as spending goes and rarely make expensive purchases. I want to put my foot down and make some demands but at the same time I don't want my wife to hold this over my head for the rest of my life.

what would you do?

My gut feeling, bad idea not to tell.

On the other hand, does she have a hobby? Or, is she into shoes, or some other item? Does she tell you about her purchases that satisfy her hobby needs/wants?

Xela

Not a chance. She's pretty interested in my AR pistol build and is holding me to the promise I made that the next firearm purchase is her P238 Rainbow. My situation is different since she likes guns almost as much as I do. I agree with Xela, if she doesn't clear her hobby purchases with you then it's on like Donkey Kong.

Our 'don't need to say anything' purchase limit is $20. Above that and we discuss it. Things are happier that way for us. It does suck when I find a deal and have to let it go due to a lack of available funds. Fortunately, deals are going on all the time, just have to wait until I catch a good one again.

Also, it gets difficult to make it out to the range. "What's that?" "It's a bag." "What's in it?" "Things." "What kind of things?" "Can't hearyouloveyoubye."

Your best bet would be to disconnect it from being some kind of gun for protection. It's easier for me to rationalize purchasing guns because I buy them with a purpose. The Glock 17L and 34 are for USPSA and IDPA. The Ruger Mark III is for Steel Challenge and plinking. None of my guns were ever bought with the express purpose of home or personal defense. Those are secondary bonuses.

Bad idea to do it behind her back. My Wife, who is quite fond of her own firearm, usually voices her disapproval when I mention I want another one. She seems to think twelve is enough, but that's just crazy talk. I have begun saving $$$ out of my paychecks to spend on whatever I want. She has agreed to this because we talked about it first. Do you already own a gun? If not, consider getting an inexpensive .22 at the same time you get your larger caliber BFF. Then, if you have any friends with Wives\girlfriends who shoot, set up a "double date" with them and maybe she'll be interested in trying out the .22. Best to stay honest.

I don't ask her to run all her shoe, clothes, or purse purchases by me and I don't run all my gun purchases by her unless it's over the $1000 mark.

When my wife asks, "Why do you need another gun?" my reply is always, "Why do you need another purse?"

That said, we each have "discretionary funds" which amounts to a monthly allowance which can be spent on anything we damn well want. It keeps the peace and avoids all the unnecessary quibbling about "You spent X dollars on A, why can't I spend Y dollars on B?"

Speaking of which, looks like I'll be picking up a new M&P15 Sport this weekend with said funds.

P.S. Don't lie to your wife. She'll know, they always know.

I just tell her it's the same gun. She can't tell the difference between a glock and 1911 for example

Buy it, then tell her casually like it's no big deal and beg forgiveness.

making gun purchases without telling your significant other

Perish the thought.

On the other hand, does she have a hobby? Or, is she into shoes, or some other item? Does she tell you about her purchases that satisfy her hobby needs/wants?

she doesn't really have any hobbies per se. the thing you have to understand about my wife is that she's incredibly frugal, to the point where it can be embarrassing sometimes. not too long ago she went to DSW with one of her friends and came home with 4 pairs of shoes that cost roughly $200. she didn't ask me if it was ok to come home with that many shoes or if it was ok to spend that money. sure, $200 is just a drop in the bucket when compared to firearms but the fact that she did it and came home with a comment like, "oops. looks like I went overboard on the shoes," shows you how one-sided spending can be with her. don't get me wrong, she rarely goes out and spends this kind of money on anything, so I didn't complain at the time.

I think I'm going to suggest the discretionary budget idea to her as this makes the most sense. I even said that i'd fund any gun purchases by selling stuff on ebay so I didn't touch the money in our savings account, but she still held her ground. the whole thing is really pissing me off which is why i'm considering just buying a new gun without telling her.

It is usually a bad idea to lie to a spouse, especially when it comes to money or something that you know would upset her. It is funny and I totally sympathize with you. It seems most of us guys just want to be at peace and do some things we want to do without a hassle, especially if we are easygoing about things ourselves. This is something that you would be better off confronting in my opinion. It isn't an issue of you being "the man of the house" or anything, but you are a grown, responsible man who helps to run the household. You have the safety equipment needed and this is not something you do frequently. She needs to understand this and learn to back off a bit otherwise you are going to go through this anytime you want to buy something of which she might disapprove.

My wife was opposed to guns when we first met. I think she was even kind of put off about it when we were dating. We had discussions about guns, their purpose, their uses, the dangers, and the rationale behind personal defense. She eventually came around and while she is not a fan or avid shooter, she actually feels better having them in the house as long as they are not accessible to the children, which they never are.

Buy one specifically for her first, and then get her trained. That might change her mind a bit, or better yet it might infect her with the desire to own, handle and fire guns.

Easier said than done though. My wife is still anti-gun even though there was a nighttime break in in my neighborhood a couple weeks ago.

Maybe talk to her and be honest? Describe why you feel it's necessary. Have many discussions about firearms and try to convince her that it's not a bad hobby.

Of course, maybe this is why I'm not in a relationship. I'm too honest.

Screw it. Just lie about it and hide it.

Does your wife drive a car ? If so it's like a loaded gun it will also kill if not operated in a safe and proper fashion, just like a firearm. Is money part the problem ? our is she really scared of guns ? you can explain to her that a gun will hold some value and a pair of shoes not so much ! I agree DO NOT DO THIS BEHIND HER BACK ! A good old I am the man of the house will not work either. just simply get down on your knees and cry and beg plead with her tell her you will do anything she wants

I don't lie to my partners and I expect them not to lie to me. I don't engage in relationships with people who don't think that my interests are my business and that things I find fascinating are worthwhile pursuits for me.

I spend on guns. She spends on art materials. We both spend on books and things for the house and food and charitable donations when we can. We each trust the other to behave mostly like grownups with money and understand each other's priorities.

This is something that you would be better off confronting in my opinion. It isn't an issue of you being "the man of the house" or anything, but you are a grown, responsible man who helps to run the household. You have the safety equipment needed and this is not something you do frequently. She needs to understand this and learn to back off a bit otherwise you are going to go through this anytime you want to buy something of which she might disapprove.

it definitely has nothing to do with being man of the house. it's more about drawing a line and allowing me a little freedom with the things i'm interested in. It still feels like she doesn't trust me, despite all the effort I went through in taking a firearms safety course and even getting a free heavy duty gun safe. like my wife, I hardly spend a lot of money on myself and since I also bring home a paycheck and help pay the bills I think it would be nice if I could treat myself to something every once in awhile rather than it turning into a battle of wills. you're right, she needs to back off.

as a side note, my wife and I are trying to have a baby. she's a little over a month pregnant at the moment but prior to this pregnancy she's had 2 miscarriages. we both decided on setting money aside for a baby fund, which we've already surpassed. i'm pretty good about saving our paychecks and usually set aside 25% of our monthly take home. so, money isn't really an issue

Fukshot wrote:I don't lie to my partners and I expect them not to lie to me. I don't engage in relationships with people who don't think that my interests are my business and that things I find fascinating are worthwhile pursuits for me.

I spend on guns. She spends on art materials. We both spend on books and things for the house and food and charitable donations when we can. We each trust the other to behave mostly like grownups with money and understand each other's priorities.

Yep. Totally agree.

Mason wrote:Buy it, then tell her casually like it's no big deal and beg forgiveness.

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

I often rely on Dr Mason for all my relationship needs.

Tell her you were robbed at gun point and lost 2000 bucks. Then tell her but the good news is I got a pair of these



for the next time it happens, and it probably will.

Well, everyone's in a different situation so I can only relate mine. My wife doesn't work and I'm paying for the house. She doesn't like guns but knows I handle them responsibly. Perhaps she doesn't know that I have perhaps $7500 in guns (about 15, three of which I got free from relatives and none of which I bought new) but then it's all my money and I'm paying all the bills. I just didn't tell her when I bought them and she didn't ask because I take care of her needs (we have no kids, just a bunch of cats). I'm not a macho male supremacist and if my wife worked we'd pool our money and talk about major financial decisions. Maybe she will get a job- I hope so because I'm ready to retire. But I bought a house which I was never going to do because for 25 years I wanted something that was going to make me money- an apartment building. So i inherited some $450,000 and find out that I couldn't buy a building for that which would generate enough income so I wouldn't have to work other than to maintain the building. I didn't want to have to have a job and come home to that kind of problems so that dream went up in smoke due to the rise in value of apartment buildings because of the economy. Anyway I'm paying off the house in three months so that's off my back. Thought you all would like this as food for thought.

It's DADT around here and that works out for everyone.

Seriously, you sound financially secure, just buy it and beg forgiveness. It works when you're not cutting into essential finances. I'm married to a San Francisco liberal but a couple of years later still own the evil black pistol I procured using this method.

Good thoughts for your baby. Miscarriages suck, we've had several.

I have to say, I LOVE my wife!!! Actually, our 5th anniversary is this weekend. We ran into some financial difficulties a little ways back and I was contemplating selling some of my guns. She prohibited that because they are important to me. It was a nice gesture.

Good luck with your pregnancy. Perhaps avoid this battle until you get past the first trimester.

I've done it and don't recommend it. With that said, you can tell her you are doing it, purchase the gun, and live with the consequences. It sounds like an asshole thing to do, but it sounds like you have listened to her opinion and taken it in to account. That is all we can ask of our partners in these type of situations, is to listen and respect our opinions. If you do that, I think you are justified in making the purchase, but tell her first.

I guess my rule of thumb has become if it is not worth the fight then don't get it. And if it is worth the fight it is better to have the fight before the purchase is made rather than after. Sometimes that fight will uncover a lot more than you think.