Re: Post Your Cartoons and Yuk Yuks

4580
A man is dating two women and wants to get married.

He asks his father who he should marry. His dad considers for a moment and says, "Jill is an attorney and would make a great mother. You should marry her."

The man then asks his best friend. "Are you crazy? Sally is the most gorgeous woman I have seen. Mary her you dope."

Desperate to break the tie, he consults his local gun board friends.

To a person they reply, "Get both!"
Image


"Person, woman, man, camera, TV."

Re: Post Your Cartoons and Yuk Yuks

4581
:laugh:

We should start a separate thread for jokes we personally wrote. Possibly gain some feedback before we go on the stand-up circuit.
"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence. There is hope for a violent man to become non-violent. There is no such hope for the impotent." -Gandhi

Re: Post Your Cartoons and Yuk Yuks

4593
SubRosa wrote: Mon Apr 15, 2024 3:59 pm What do you call a Pachyderm that doesn't matter?

An Irreliphant!
Kinda like today’s GOP ?
"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of non-violence to cover impotence. There is hope for a violent man to become non-violent. There is no such hope for the impotent." -Gandhi

Re: Post Your Cartoons and Yuk Yuks

4600
The Schitt Family Tree
Submitted by Jim Roberts, Clay County, Missouri.
A friend sent this:

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.

So now if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family.

To which I replied:

"Actually, Jack Schitt is a character in Jasper Fforde's Eyre Affair and Lost in a Good Book. So I can proudly say I knew Jack before you knew Schitt."
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.-Huxley
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis Brandeis,

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